Welcome!

I am a first time mom of an almost 3 year old boy who was diagnosed at the age of two with Autism.  I feel like I am blindly trying to make my way through an obstacle course. There are days I question my sanity, my marriage and my son's development.  Sometimes I am convinced he has Autism and other times I think it may be something else.  Maybe it is a bit of denial or maybe he does have other things going on that go along with his Autism. I just don't know.  What I do know is I want to share everything I have experienced just in case there is someone else out there like me who searches constantly for blogs of parent's who are raising a child with Autism. I look for these blogs to reassure myself I am not going through this alone.  I find it helpful to read about treatments other's have tried and whether or not they were successful. We have tried numerous things for my son.  Some things have worked and some have not.

I am not a professional blogger and I can't guarantee that much of what I right will make sense!  I will try my best but sometimes when I talk I just jump all over the place when I am trying to get a point across so I can only guess my blog will be that way too!  But that is okay because I am not perfect! :)

A little background....

My husband and I tried for over a year and a half to conceive with the help of a fertility specialist. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and was not able to conceive without help from a doctor.  We had two losses during those 18 months but kept doing test after test and never gave up.  On July 1st of 2009, I had a septum removed from my uterus.  It was an outpatient surgery that was quite easy but the worst part was I had to walk around for 5 days with and inflated balloon in my uterus to keep the shape! It was well worth it though because that same month we got a huge surprise...I was pregnant!  And it happened naturally! Wow!

My pregnancy was...different! I had the usual symptoms for the most part...headaches and heartburn! Yuck!  But then in my 7th month of pregnancy, on my 2 year wedding anniversary to be exact, I came down with some awful diarrhea.  Sorry if that is too blunt but it is exactly what it was!  I told my doctor about it and they chalked it up to a virus.  It took over a month of me being sick before I was sent to a specialist.  After some testing, one which was a flexible sigmoidoscopy with NO SEDATION because I was pregnant, I was diagnosed with C-Diff.  It is an awful bacterial infection of the intestines.  That is a different story for a different time!

Despite the "super bug" I caught, all else was fine. My son was so happy in my belly he decided to hang out an extra 8 days! The day I went into labor I went out for a steak dinner and then walked around Target. I felt fabulous that day. I felt beautiful and was even rocking some wedge sandals!  It was the most comfortable with my HUGE pregnant belly I ever felt! On the way home I started to have contractions.  I came home and got ready and off to the hospital we went. I wasn't convinced I was going to give birth that day since my induction was scheduled for just a few days later. But I was wrong and after 14 hours of labor my 9lb 2oz baby boy was born!  I remember the first glance I got of him was from behind and he was pooping! Typical boy!

Everything seemed normal to me for the first year of his life.  Hindsight is 20/20  so looking back now I do see some red flags.  I tried breastfeeding but it didn't work because Logan would not latch.  I tried everything I could to make it work. We seen a lactation consultant and after a few visits with no success I decided to just pump and bottle feed. That lasted a few weeks and then I lost my mind! I guess the hormones got the best of me and I stopped pumping and slowly started the transition to formula.  That didn't go over so well. We had to go through a few different brands to find one that worked.  By the time we found one that we were successful with Logan was about 6 weeks old and the Colic started!  He would scream for hours every evening.  I was told by our wonderful pediatrician to try something called Biogaia.  It was a probiotic and it helped tremendously!  It was somewhere in that time that Logan was put on Zantac for silent reflux too.  

Other things that I notice looking back is Logan loved to be swaddled.   Especially on the nights he was colicky we would put him in a snug swaddle and it would work wonders. We swaddled this kid until he was five months old!  Once he rolled over we had to let it go but to our amazement he did quite well without it.  Logan also seemed to scream and cry when people besides my husband or I held him. But it wasn't them holding him that would set him off. It was if they looked him in the eyes and talked to him. He would completely melt down.  Not sure what that was all about but it was odd to me.

Once the colic was gone at about 13 weeks we had a happy little boy. He started sleeping through the night when we transitioned him from his bassinet to crib at 6 weeks.  He has always been a great sleeper and for that I am truly thankful! He was weaned off the Zantac around 6 months and we had no issues after that.  It wasn't until around 12 months I started to notice he wasn't hitting some milestones.  He rolled over before 4 months of age but then he didn't sit up unassisted until about 9 months. However, right after that he started to crawl and right after his 1st birthday he was walking...well, running!  Even to this day he runs most of the time instead of walking. 

One of the most concerning things is he didn't say mama or dada. He didn't really babble at all.  He also wasn't pointing. I brought these concerns up to his pediatrician and she said we will wait and see how it goes and reassess this at his 15 month appointment.  So we waited.  I have to say from about 12 months I knew something was wrong. Call it what you want but I call it a mother's intuition.  It is strong and I believe in it. At the 12 month checkup I was already asking the pediatrician about Autism. I don't know why. I didn't know anyone personally who had a child with Autism. I just knew something wasn't right and started to research.  

At his 15 month appointment it was evident something was going on developmentally but again the pediatrician thought we could wait until his 18 month checkup.  After all, he started to point and was starting to babble.  I felt comfortable waiting at this point to see how he developed over the next few months.  So at the 18 month checkup there were more concerns.  Yes, he was pointing but it wasn't to show us things. It wasn't really purposeful at all.  He was hyper all the time. It was and still is a challenge to go anywhere. He still wasn't talking and didn't refer to us as mama and dada. That was one of the hardest things. He also wasn't doing stairs, even when assisted and there was no pretend play.  His pediatrician suggested we get an evaluation through Early Intervention and follow up with a Developmental Pediatrian.  

It is hard to admit but I wasn't even familiar with Early Intervention. I knew something existed like this but had no idea how to find out about it. I am forever grateful to my son's pediatrician for listening and believing me. I can't say many people, including my husband, took me seriously when I would talk about my concerns.  To this day there are still some people who don't "agree" Logan has Autism even though he has an official diagnosis. That is a blog for another time.  

So we got in touch with Early Intervention and started receiving services for Speech, Occupational, Developmental and Physical therapy. We have even been seeing a Nutritionist!  The whole gamut!  Logan started services around 18 months and is almost aging out and going to a special preschool! Time has flown by but the progress he has made has been consistent and amazing!  We seen the Developmental Pediatrian right after his 2 year birthday. It took a couple months to get into see her but that was ok. I pretty much knew what we were going to hear.  I was prepared, or so I thought.  

Logan had been in EI for about 6 months by the time we seen the Developmental Pediatrician.  He had started to point with purpose and pretend play. His PT worked hard with him to get him able to do the stairs and it didn't take long before he mastered that task. I guess I was hoping with all the wonderful progress he was making that I was wrong and he wasn't going to get a diagnosis.  After all this is the happiest little boy ever. He is a social butterfly. I believed that he couldn't have Autism because of that alone. I was naive.  I was not looking at the bigger picture. He didn't make eye contact well, he didn't respond to his name consistantly and he didn't do much of any reciprocal play.  He was kind of a loner.  It reminds me of one of those e-cards going around on Facebook.  It says something along the lines of "I'm not ignoring you. I am just waiting for you to come into my world".  It makes perfect sense to me!

So we seen the Developmental Pediatrician and along with her there were a few therapists and a psychologist.  They did a play based evaluation and talked to my husband and I and we walked out of there with a diagnosis of Autism. Just like that.  I can tell you that no matter what I thought prior to this meeting and getting a diagnosis, I was NOT prepared to hear it or see it in writing.  I still have a hard time to this day seeing it in writing.  It is tough.  I look at this beautiful little boy and see his big blue eyes and his huge smile and I just can't believe this is happening. It took me a while to be able to get myself stable. I thought I was prepared to handle all of this but I wasn't. I started to have panic attacks daily. I was thrown into this world of therapy, ABA, doctor's appointments and still had to grapple with the diagnosis of Autism.  I decided to suck it up and see a doctor for myself. I was put on some medicine for my anxiety (it was actually and anti-depressant) and it saved me. I also started counseling. I had to get myself together and I knew it. I am not ashamed to admit it. I lost it for a bit!

On top of everything Logan had numerous tests done for various reasons. I will dedicate a whole post to that one day.  It has been a lot for him to deal with too. I try to put myself in his place and think how he must feel.  All these scary doctor's, needles and tubes and of course therapy.  He has demands placed on him daily. And you know what? He is always smiling and happy. Yes, he is amazing! I learn so much from him and when I start to feel down about things I just look to him to help bring me back to my happy place. He has that power over me!

See what I said earlier about going on and on!  I can't help myself.  I have a lot to talk about and am excited to share!  I am in a sense "coming out of the closet!".

To be continued....